You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”
1. Practice Self-Respect ― Know Your Individual Rights
A healthy sense of control comes from exercising your right to set your own priorities, say “no” without feeling guilty, protect yourself from harm, choose healthy relationships, get what you pay for, and create your own happiness in life. At times, it’s simply wiser to take good care of yourself first, so you can in turn be better (and truer) with others
2. Change Your Attitude About Having To Be Nice All The Time
For “nice” people, it’s important to know that no one should be expected to be nice all the time. It’s neither reasonable nor real. If negative thoughts and emotions arise as a result of you being selective about your niceness, simply talk back to them with self-confirming responses:
You remind yourself that YOU ARE IMPORTANT TOO.
3. Distinguish Being Kind To People From Having To Do Things For Them
There are two ways to be nice: Being friendly and courteous to people, and doing things for them. We can practice the first with just about everyone, as long as they don’t violate our boundaries. As the saying goes, “A smile costs nothing but gives much.” While we’re courteous with people, we can at the same time be selective about what we want or don’t want to do for them. Distinguish being kind to people from having to do things for them. Choose your giving wisely.
4. Don’t Try To Please Everyone, And Don’t Try To Please Any One Person All The Time
No one can please everyone all the time, so please don’t even try. People who receive your thankless and unreciprocated giving on a regular basis are also more likely to take it for granted. There’s power that comes with exercising your right to set boundaries and say “no.” While there are many ways you can say “no” ,remind them that it’s more important to be respected than to be liked. Nice people often don’t get the respect they deserve, while those who are respected have the luxury to be nice.
5. Know How To Say “No” ― Gently But Firmly
To be able to say “no” gently but firmly is to practice the art of communication. Effectively articulated, it allows you to stand your ground while keeping the peace.
6. Know That You’re Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings
Sometimes we feel obligated to do things for others because we don’t want them to feel bad, even when it’s unreasonable for us to go out of our way. We may be so concerned about how others might react if they don’t get what they want that we submerge our own feelings to theirs. When done repeatedly, this facilitates a co-dependent relationship where other people’s happiness becomes your responsibility and burden.
In these situations, it’s important to remember that as long as we’re being fair, reasonable and conscientious, we’re not responsible for other people’s feelings. If you deny their unreasonable requests and they don’t like it, so be it. They’ll get over it. In the meantime, you’re teaching them how you’d like to be treated – with more consideration and respect.
7. Know That For Those Who Take You For Granted, Less Is More
In the presence of ungrateful people, the more you give to them, the less they appreciate what you offer. Why should they value you when their taking is so easy, and your giving seems so inexhaustible?
“Some people don’t appreciate what they have until it’s gone.”
Nice people deserve the same love, appreciation, and respect they give to others, which can only be had when one begins to love, appreciate, and respect oneself.