1. Don’t Assume
Bars are generally considered acceptable places for single people to go to meet and hook up with each other, but that’s not the only reason people go to bars, so it’s important not to be presumptuous about other people’s reasons for being there. Not every women in a bar will be looking to meet men or hook up, so be prepared for disinterest and don’t take it personally if you are rebuffed — it’s usually not about you!
Looking like you’re having fun is a great way to draw people into your orbit, and dancing is the perfect opportunity to show single women how relaxed and coordinated you are. Even if you aren’t the best dancer alive, plenty of women will appreciate your sense of spontaneity and ability not to take yourself too seriously if you get out on the dance floor, anyway. A lot of men hate dancing and feel insecure about it, but so long as it’s not something you’re phobic about, it can be an effective way to physically get nearer to women in a low-key, non threatening way and to show them that you’re up for a good time.
3. Positive Body Language
If you’re sitting in the corner of the bar and scowling with your arms folded, chances are you won’t radiate “I’m looking to meet women!” vibes. Get amongst the more populated areas of the bar and be sure to adopt an open posture and welcoming body language. Try to have your arms relaxed by your sides or holding a drink comfortably rather than nervously fidgeting, and don’t bury your head in your phone — it’s antisocial and blocks others from approaching you. A dazzling smile always helps, too!
4. Dress Well
Apart from being ravishingly good-looking, dressing well is perhaps the factor most likely to attract women’s attention — and this one is at least in your control. Lots of bars have dress codes that mean you’ll be looking relatively formal anyway, but whether you’re going for a casual look or a slick vibe, make sure that you pay attention to detail and compile an outfit that reflects your personality and shows that you have put in some effort.
5. Smell Good
Smelling good attracts people on a subconscious, olfactory level, and lots of women report that nice-smelling men are instantly bumped up the attractiveness scale. What’s more, if you’re in a sweaty bar or club, it will be particularly important to smell pleasant. Make sure you’re wearing a deodorant with a subtle smell and top it off with your signature cologne.
6. Approach Respectfully
When you do decide to approach someone you like the look of, it’s important to do so tactfully and respectfully. Always approach from in front, rather than from behind (I know that sounds like it should go without saying, but dance floor creepers who sidle up from the rear are real!) and don’t start with a corny pick up line or sleazy come-on. A simple, “Hey! Are you having a good night?” should work fine.
7. Handle Rejection
Few things are less attractive — and more downright scary — than a man who won’t take no for an answer. Particularly in bars where women are vulnerable to aggressive come-ons, it’s crucial to respect women’s space and autonomy. Don’t plead with or pester the person you’ve set your sights on if she has expressed disinterest, and if you suspect that she’s less than 100% enthusiastic about talking to you, just lay off. There will be plenty of women out and about who are interested in meeting men, so don’t hassle the ones who aren’t, or who simply aren’t into you.
8. Be Generous (And Nice About It)
It’s nice to top off your approach by offering to buy a woman a drink, but you can’t assume that she owes you a kiss or a hook up because you forked out $8 for a vodka cranberry. If a woman accepts your offer, it’s reasonable to expect that she’ll stay near you and chat while she finishes her drink; however, if you can’t bear the idea of her making a beeline for the dance floor without you once the bartender has handed over her drink, don’t offer to buy one in the first place. Sure, it’s disappointing and rude when that happens, but there’s no point getting belligerent about it; and if you spend a bit of time selecting someone who’s given you verbal and nonverbal signs of interest rather than someone who’s completely nonplussed, you’ve got much better chances that she’ll stay and chat with you.
9. Make Interesting Banter
Once you’ve made a smooth approach, you’re going to need to follow up with some conversation that will hold her interest. You know how to do this. Ask her about her day, crack a few jokes and laugh at the ones that she cracks back. You may not have a lot of time, but if the conversation’s going well and you have a strong rapport, perhaps even incorporate some of these first-date topics.
10. Ask For Her Number
If the two of you are really getting along, you’re going to want to maintain contact and set up another meeting. Women in bars are often with friends who are keen to bar-hop and keep moving, so your opportunity to talk for long periods of time is limited. Tell her you’d love to see her again and ask if you could grab her number. This frees her up to go back to her friends and saves you having to shout at each other over the loud music.